


[L]unacy… [O]verwrought… [G]oing [I]nsane… [C]razy...

by love_write_edit_sleep



Series: Self-Destruct!Series [1]
Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Blood, Dark, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Knives, Logan Needs A Hug, M/M, Multi, Near Suicide, Self Harm, no happy ending, self hatred, self torture, sorry :/ - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 12:21:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14402046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/love_write_edit_sleep/pseuds/love_write_edit_sleep
Summary: Logan goes to Virgil when his work drives him to near-insanity from the stress. The shadows in Virgil's room decide to lock Logan in and play with their new toy.This is not a nice fic. Please don't read if you're easily triggered.





	[L]unacy… [O]verwrought… [G]oing [I]nsane… [C]razy...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [zombygamerkat](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=zombygamerkat).



> Based on a comment from @zombygamerkat on my Insane!Logan cosplay on Instagram.

Logan would never admit it out loud, but if he didn’t do something to lower his stress levels, he was going to go insane, and what that would do to Thomas was something Logan didn’t want to think about.

Virgil. 

Virgil was the embodiment of Thomas’ anxiety. Surely he had some sort of coping mechanism to help deal with stress. With a sigh, and a pang of disappointment for not being able to manage on his own, Logan stood from his desk and dejectedly headed to Virgil’s room. He hesitated before knocking.

“Virgil?” Logan called through the door. “I am having… difficulties… and require your advice, if you wouldn’t mind.”

Logan jumped slightly as the sound of a lock being drawn back split the silence. The door creaked open, but to Logan’s surprise, Virgil wasn’t there. He hummed to himself in confusion as he adjusted his glasses and entered the dark room. “Virgil?” 

Virgil’s room was a mess. Photo frames lay smashed on the ground near where they once stood on the bedside table, and his bed was messy and unmade. Clothes sat torn and scattered across the floor, and Logan couldn’t help but wince at the sight of Patton’s famILY card in shreds on the ground.

Suddenly, the door swung shut, the sound of echoed laughter ringing through the air. Logan adjusted his tie and went to open the door, his heart skipping a beat when he realised it was locked. He tried again, pulling the door as hard as he could. The ghost-like giggling growing louder.

_ You’re trapped! _

“Nonsense…” Logan found himself responding to the shadows. He shook his head and attempted to sink out, his expression twisting into confusion when nothing happened.

_ Trapped! _

Logan ignored the voices, looking around for something to use to pick the lock. He pulled open several drawers and doors, but failed to find anything. Until he stumbled across a knife. Making a mental note to check that Virgil was okay, and wasn’t using the knife for self-mutilating purposes that people with anxiety often resorted to, he attempted to unlock the door with it. The door clicked, but as Logan went to open it, the lock slid back.

_ Trapped! _

Logan tried again, but got the same result. When he unlocked the door the lock slid back, proving Logan’s efforts to be futile. He repeated the action despite this, constantly reaching the same useless result.

_ Trapped! _

“No.”

_ Trapped! _

“It is illogical to communicate with shadows. You are merely projections caused by sunlight being blocked by opaque objects.” Logan spoke aloud, attempting once more to pick the lock. When the lock slid back once more, Logan felt his frustration grow.

_ Trapped! _

“Alright, I’m trapped!” Logan snapped, putting the knife down. He sighed, looking around. Well… as long as he was trapped, he may as well tidy Virgil’s room to occupy his mind and distract him from the shadows.

This proved to be futile.

Any time Logan tidied something away, the shadows chucked them back on the floor. Logan tried anyway.

_ Think of all the work you should be doing. _

“There is nothing I can do about that.”

_ Everyone’s favourite character? You know that was Deceit talking. _

“I do.”

_ Patton hates you now that you make puns. _

“He does not.”

_ You stole his main quality. _

“Then he needs to tell me if he dislikes it.”

_ Shouldn’t you be working? _

“Yes.”

_ What if they all hate you? _

“I’m certain they do not.”

_ You talk too much. _

“I am aware.”

_ Infinitesimal. _

“One time.”

_ You should be working. _

“I am aware.”

_ Thomas should be working. _

“He should.”

_ No-one’s coming for you. _

“They will.”

_ No-one noticed that you’re gone. _

“It is early.”

_ Not even Patton. _

“He is busy.”

* * *

Logan glances at Virgil’s clock. It had only been 5 minutes.

The longer Logan spent in Virgil’s room, the more the voices got to him, the more they picked at the things he was insecure about and made him believe them, the more Logan started to overthink and, eventually, after the futility of his hard work started to get to him, he sat amongst the mess of Virgil’s room, his eyes dark with black eyeshadow and red from the tears of frustration that threatened to spill.

_ You should be working. _

_ No-one’s coming. _

_ You’re… infinitesimal. _

Logan clutched his hair in his hands and growled, the voices growing louder and shrieking with laughter. Logan wasn’t sure how much he could take.

* * *

Five later, Logan was rocking himself, black-stained tears streaming down his face, trying to assure himself that someone would notice soon, someone would get him, someone had to notice.

But the voices were louder.

_ They don’t notice when you work for days on end. _

_ Sometimes it takes day until Patton makes you sleep. _

_ Remember that time you didn’t eat all day? They didn’t notice. _

Logan suddenly eyed the knife on the table that he’d put down earlier.

“No…” Logan shook his head. “That is what the voices want.”

_ Do it… _

_ Do it! _

_ You’re not working, you should be punished. _

_ You talk too much, you should be punished. _

_ Infinitesimal, you should be punished. _

Logan ignored the voices for a whole 10 minutes until...

_ If you do it, we’ll open the door. _

The knife was in Logan’s hand before he could even think and was being dragged across his wrist before he could blink. He was taken aback by the blood that flowed down his wrist and down onto the carpet.

_ Again. _

Logan obliged.

_ Again. _

_ Again. _

_ Again! _

_ Again! _

“Open the door!” Logan screamed, the knife still slicing his wrist, as though he was on auto-pilot.

_ Did you really believe us? _

Logan screamed, throwing the knife across the room and looking around for scraps of torn clothing that he could use to wrap his arm. Only now, they were gone. Logan cried, tears of frustration spilling like the blood from his wrists. He cursed himself for his moment of weakness before curling up and lying on the floor, holding his hand over the cuts in an attempt to clot them.

* * *

30 minutes later, no-one had come for him, and the voices were only getting worse, less bearable, so unbearable that he’d dug his nails into the sides of his head and dug so deep that he drew blood on both sides, pouring down his face. The knife had found its way into his hands twice more, but he’d resisted both times.

The third time, in a flash of rage, Logan had stabbed at Virgil’s bed.

The satisfaction of the fabric tearing under the knife made Logan laugh maniacally as he continued, stabbing the mattress until there was no mattress left to cut, the fabric in shreds and the stuffing spread on the ground. He instantly missed the feeling, looking around for something else to stab, to pour his frustrations into… There was nothing. 

His wrist itched, so Logan brought the knife to his wrist again, ignoring the pain and the blood.

He tossed the knife again, only for the shadows to bring it back. He kicked it away. The shadows brought it back.

Logan curled up on the floor and cried in frustration.

* * *

The voices were in Roman, Virgil and Patton’s voices, all telling him things he didn’t want to hear.

_ Why are you even here, Doctor Who-Needs-You? _

_ Your puns are putting me off... _

_ Are you trying to be stupid? _

_ What’s the point of you? _

_ Does Thomas really need you? _

_ We’d be fine without you. _

_ Why do you get a jar of crofters? No one even likes you. _

_ They won’t sell. _

_ Who wants Logan? _

_ Not me. _

_ Preach. _

Logan looked up at the clock on Virgil’s bedside. It had been 5 minutes since the voices changed. It felt like hours. He screamed, drawing blood with his nails and he dug his fingers into his upper arms before his eyes fell on the knife the shadows had pushed at him once more.

His wrists were both sliced up and bleeding, the sides of his head bled from the marks left by his nails and his upper arms now dribbled blood down them from the same nail marks. He wasn’t sure how much more he could take.

_ “Logan?!” _

God… they’re making me believe I’m being rescued… Logan thought to himself, grabbing at the knife and bringing it to his neck. He wanted to die so badly. He couldn’t handle the thought of believing he could be rescued and having it snatched from him. He dug the knife into his neck.

The door swung open.

“Logan!” Logan looked up to see Patton standing there, his hands over his mouth in shock, his body trembling. “L-Logan, put the knife down a-and come here… P-please, sweetheart…” Patton whispered, holding his arms out. Logan blinked. Was Patton really there? Could the shadows fake a side?

“L-Lo… Please…” Patton choked back a sob. Logan decided to risk it. He dropped the knife, picking himself up and stumbling over to Patton. He fell into him, clinging to him as he started to sob, expecting Patton to vanish and the door to slam shut before the voices shrieked with laughter.

Patton pulled Logan from Virgil’s room immediately, slamming the door shut when they were safely alone in the hallway. Logan trembled as sob shook his body. Patton rubbed his back, ignoring how Logan’s blood was staining his bright blue shirt. 

“Shh… it’s okay, Kiddo…” Patton whispered, trying to keep his own voice from breaking. Logan didn’t speak, just clung to Patton, his arms wrapped around his neck as he whimpered softly, tears streaming from his face.

“Shit…”

“Oh, God, Logan…”

Logan recognised Virgil and Roman’s voices. 

“I-is that where you’ve been the past 4 days…?” Virgil asked. Logan blinked. 4 days? But… But Virgil’s clock had said…

“Logan, we’re so sorry…” Roman whispered, placing a hand on Logan’s back. “We… we should have noticed sooner…”

“Fuck, I… I’m so sorry.” Virgil dug his hands into his hair. Logan didn’t move, just clung to Patton and watched as his blood spilled down Patton’s back. 

“We need bandages.” Patton told the other two. 

“On it.” Roman whispered, running off.

“Logan… Maybe we sh-should…”

Logan wasn’t sure how that sentence ended because his vision went black and he felt himself slip from Patton’s arms.

* * *

Logan blinked his eyes open, wincing as the bright light momentarily blinded him. With a groan, he sat up.

“No, no, no, careful” Patton whispered, helping Logan to sit up. It was then Logan noticed the bandages on his arms, and felt the one around his neck. He brought his hand up to his head, feeling the plasters that had been placed over his wounds. It was also then that he noticed the amount of blood on Patton’s shirt. “Logan, we’re so sorry…”

Logan wanted to tell him it was okay, that he was fine now, but he couldn’t. It wasn’t okay. He wasn’t fine. He hurt, and it wasn’t their fault that they didn’t notice, but surely they should have noticed…

“Don’t… don’t speak if you don’t want to…” Patton whispered, looking down, fiddling with his hands. “We… We’re really sorry…”

Logan reached over and grabbed Patton’s wrist in his hand. He didn’t want to let go, so he didn’t. Patton seemed to pick this up and shuffled closer to Logan.

“Virgil went to Roman’s room the past few days because he was feeling really bad. He stayed over in his room. We all assumed you were just working on the whole tour thing with Thomas. We didn’t even think… I was just checking today that you were eating properly but you weren’t in your room… I-I had no idea you were in Virgil’s…”

Logan swallowed, wincing at the pain that it brought.

“Y-you were so hurt…” Patton whimpered. “Th-there was blood everywhere… Wh-what… I don… I don’t know how you’re… how you’re still here.” Patton sniffed. “Virgil says the voices drove you to it… to c-cut yourself… they said things th-that hurt you…” Patton suddenly threw his arms around Logan. “I love you, Logan… we all do… please don’t believe the- the voices… please…”

Logan clung to Patton once more, anchoring himself to him. He wasn’t sure how things would go after this… but he was just grateful to be out of that damned room.

He felt his eyes grow tired, and before he knew it, he’d fallen asleep on Patton’s shoulder.

It wasn’t until later he would realise that his nightmares would take him back to Virgil’s room until Patton woke him.


End file.
